Please english speakers, can you help me with a letter?

[Liyah13]

Hello everyone,

I've got a letter to write for one of my English class. I just wanted someone to check my mistakes cause I really want a good mark.
If you see an expression which is "too american" or if you think that some sentences are too "heavy", please let me know. Also, I wanted to know if the sentence "next time you show up" is not too familiar? Would you rather say "Mom" or "Mum"?

Thank you very much!

Liyah (a french student)

PS: In this letter, I'm writting to my dad who passed away.

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Here's the letter:

Dear Daddy,

It's been a while since I've seen you around. Last time you came, it was rather fast and you didn't talk that much. You only told me that you were doing fine and that I should stop worrying about you. It was a relief to hear from you.
However, it was not enough as I felt upset that you didn't answer all of my questions. I really expected you to tell me about your new life "in the sky". No it's not curiosity... oh all right it is but it's more about you and what you've been doing lately. So what's up? Did you meet new people? Join grandfather? Do you have fun over there? I remember that once you told me that you were afraid of what would happen next wondering if you could still eat and do some gardening. Well, about that... I am deeply sorry but I couldn't handle this "gardening business". I didn't even try, it's such a boring task.
I also wanted you to know that I succeeded in exams so don't forget to send me a gift (a car will be just perfect).
Well, as you can see, everything turns out well for me. So does for Mom. I'm not much of a letter-writer but I hope you enjoyed getting some news about your lovely daughter and I'm looking forward to hearing from you as well. Please, be polite ! Anyways, Mom and I will be calling you. Moreover, next time you show up, please stay longer.

With love,

Liyah

[ANTHOS]

Franchement tu ne dois pas t'inquieter, t'as un très très bon niveau. Est-ce que tu vises 20/20? Mes modifs ci-dessous sont jusque pour raffiner.

Dear Daddy,

It's been a while since I've seen you around. Last time you came, it was rather fast and you didn't talk that much. You only told me that you were doing fine and that I should stop worrying about you. It was a relief to hear from you.
However, it was not enough as I felt upset that you didn't answer all of my questions. I really expected you to tell me about your new life "in the sky". No it's not curiosity... oh all right it is, but it's more about you and what you've been doing lately. So what's up? Have you met new people? Joined grandfather? Do you have fun over there? I remember that once you told me that you were afraid of what would happen next wondering if you could still eat and do some gardening. Well, about that... I'm really sorry but I couldn't handle this "gardening business". I didn't even try, it's so boring.
I also wanted you to know that I passed my exams so don't forget to send me a gift (a car will be just perfect).
Well, as you can see, everything's turned out well for me. And for Mum. I'm not much of a letter-writer but I hope you enjoyed getting some news about your loving daughter and I'm looking forward to hearing from you as well. Please, be polite ! Anyway, Mum and I will be calling you. And also, next time you show up, please stay longer.

With love,

Liyah

Mom est américain
Anyways est très argotique à mes oreilles
Je suppose que tu vuolait dire loving

[Liyah13]

Hey!
Je te remercie beaucoup de ton aide et tes propositions !
Oui en effet, j'ai plutôt un bon niveau (je suis en L2 en LEA) mais j'ai vraiment besoin d'avoir les meilleures notes possibles pour intégrer une école de Tourisme, donc je me donne à fond !

Merci encore !

Liyah

[Tyori]

Generally, in English writing, mum is spelled mom. It can be pronounced whatever way you like, but in the end, it's still spelled mom. Children in about... grade 5 or under probably get away with it though seeing as the difference is not as widely known, as it would seem. Everything else looks fine through Anthos' spell checking! ^_^

I know I'm late; just thought I'd let you know for later use. Also, how did that go? Did you get the mark you were hoping for?? <:)

[Maïwenn]

Generally, in American English, mum is spelled mom. Mum is the correct way in Britain.

[Tyori]

Really?! I learned something today... XD Thanks! ^_^