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traduction français -> anglais (littéraire)

Posted: 24 Feb 2006 17:08
by BLANDINE
Bonjour,
je me permets de vous demander un peu de travail...
J'ai un thème à rendre mercredi; je l'ai fait. Je voudrais juste avoir otre avis dessus. Si vous voyez des grosses fautes etc... donc si vous avez quelques minutes à me consacrer... :)

voilà le sujet:

Image

et voici ma traduction:

What a voracious Town! It grows, it spreads, it gains ground. Oh, of course, when we turn our eyes towards it from the top of the cliff, we reassure ourselves and we say we have time. Up to the rocky and unbroken front of its first wave, we can get the view of kilometers of greenery, apparently uninterrupted. But this greenery already gets dull, since the forests are no more than parks, and the fields are no more than watsegrounds, if not manuring plains. Shooting straight out of the star-shaped Town, some roads cut and carve through the countryside, strengthen thanks to a double shell of houses and a double stone-rampart, against which the steel folw of the cars starts to run. Up to Virelay now, there are stone and steel. The road is urban, and it creates an impassable border between various zones. And here are the cross - country trunk roads, piercing each zone, that are pointing and lengthening as they spill their shell of houses. They are still wavering, they are still meandering like lanes. Soon, they will sitffen, straighten, and their straight criss-cross will cut off green squares that will be cut and cut again, and eaten by roads which cross cross-country links, until the last agony, between the fences, of emaciated vegetable gardens. And here are the houses that are jostling each other, that are robbing one another of places where the view is unrestricted. Here are the narrow, rarefied fields that are rubbing against each other, and that are reduced to patches of parallel gardens. Here are the farms, jammed, that are dying. Here are the dirt tracks that are covering themselves with clinker and coating themselves with tar. Here are the party walls that are quarreling. And, one morning, the farmer, already a commuter, awakesn in the middle of an industrial suburb and is surprised to suffocate, and to be a city dweller.

Voilà, je sais c'est un peu long. J'ai eu pas mal de problemes de vocabulaire, mais aussi de structure de phrase...

Merci d'avoir lu! :hello:

pas mal comme traduction

Posted: 26 Feb 2006 00:44
by jasmin melody
Bonjour :D :bonjour-qd-meme:
Je suis étudiante en traduction anglais-francais a l'université de Montréal. Je me demande ou est ce que tu étudies???
:gniii: J'ai parcourru ta traduction et je la trouve pas mal. :roll:
J'ai un peu fait l'inverse de ce que tu as fait. J'ai lu ta traduction d'abord, ensuite j'ai parcourru le texte original.
Bonne chance dans la traduction... :hello:

Posted: 26 Feb 2006 11:05
by BLANDINE
salut!
je suis à la sorbonne, en LCE anglais.
Merci, j'espère que ma traduction est bonne...
si quelqu'"un passe par là et vois quelques fautes, les critiques seront les bienvenues! :)

Re: traduction français -> anglais (littéraire)

Posted: 26 Feb 2006 14:26
by decay
BLANDINE wrote: Oh, of course, when we turn our eyes towards it from the top of the cliff, we reassure ourselves and we say we have time.
On peut écrire "we think we have time".
BLANDINE wrote: Up to the rocky and unbroken front of its first wave, we can get the view of kilometers of greenery, apparently uninterrupted.
Là, c'est le mot greenery qui me géne un peu, j'aurais écrit : "plain grass", mais là je ne suis sur de rien. Avec le mot plain dans le sens d'évident, visible.
BLANDINE wrote: the steel flow of the cars starts to run. Up to Virelay now, there are stone and steel. The road is urban, and it creates an impassable border between various zones.
-La ponctutation, les deux points faut essayer de les garder.

"the steel flow of the cars starts to run : stone and steel, to Virelay now, this is a urban road creating an uncrossable border between (various) zones."

Bon, pour le reste de la phrase, même ma trad. je la trouve approximative.
BLANDINE wrote: And here are the cross -
"here is the cross" non? Inattention?

Pour le reste, il va me falloir un peu de temps, mais ce que j'ai lu était bien.

Posted: 28 Feb 2006 10:26
by BLANDINE
merci decay pour ces petites mises au point!!
:D :D
je dois le rendre demain, donc si jamais quelqu'un d'autre passe par là...
Merci en tous cas, ce forum est super