LokaNova et Freelang

Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous me corriger si besoin, merci :

The first time I went to Paris was in 1984.This year, I went for only 2 weeks with a couple of friends from university. These were fantastic weeks, we visited everything in Paris. We had come to Paris with an old car. Only two days after we arrived, this car broke down . My friend Marc said : "I suppose we'll have to leave this old car of ours here and stay in the city. We can't drive to that west as we have planned to do."
I'll go back there this summer.That time I'll go with my wife and these children. We only plan to stay a few days in the capital city of Ireland. The rest of our holiday will be spent in that country.
I want to see those places I did not go to when I was young this 's also what my wife wants to do. Let's hope the car will not break down that time. Thank you very much!

This year : ça ne colle pas, on parle de 1984, il faut donc utiliser that. This year veut dire cette année. That year = cette année-là.

These were fantastic weeks : du coup il faut mettre those, le pluriel de that.

this car broke down : il faut vraiment mettre un démonstratif ici ? Je trouve que ça fait bizarre... The car broke down, our car broke down.

this old car : ici j'aurais plutôt mis that, pour exprimer une 'distance affective' avec cette voiture pourriequi ne marche pas.

That time : this time. Tu avais bien mis this summer avant, tu aurais dpu garder la même chose That time c'est du passé.

and these children : alors là un démonstratif ça va pas du tout... and our/the children. Ou bien my/her si c'est une famille recomposée

The rest of our holiday will be spent in that country : je ne vois pas bien de quel pays on parle là... La France ?

that time : pareil qu'au dessus. This time.

J'ai corrigé beaucoup de choses, j'espère que ça ne va pas te décourager... Courage, c'est pas évident de maîtriser this et that, mais ça va venir. Si tu as des question, n'hésite pas à demander.