help!! => Relecture d'un travail en anglais

[lu]

bonjour!!

je passe mon bts communication cette année et j'ai un oral d'anglais.
A la fin de cet oral, je dois présenter mon stage. J'ai donc fait la traduction mais il y a des termes que je ne suis pas sur (je les ais mis entre paranthèses et en italiques).
Si vous pouviez m'aider ca serait sympa!!
C'est un peu long.. mais je ne pouvais pas faire autrement que de tout mettre!
S'il y des fautes énormes, merci de me les dire pour que je puisse me corriger..

Compte rendu stage:

This year, I have chosen for my training period a press agency in Grenoble. It took place from November 22 to December 24 in 2004.

This agency is composed by three press attachee. (attachée de presse)

They have different customers.

First, they are the press dept (service presse ) of Arena, a brand of swimsuit, of Laure Manaudou, a swimming champion, of Aix les bains thermal cure.
Besides they are also the press dept of Icon, a company which distributes fitness equipment, of the Icare’s cup, a paragliding courses (concours déguisés de sauts en parachutes ou parapentes) in St Hilaire du Touvet a city near Grenoble and finally they are the press dept of the Foulee Blanche, a ski competition in Autrans.


I carried out several tasks:

- To start with, I had made abstracts (revue de presse) for Arena summer 2004 and its impact on the local press. For instance: in what kind of magazines is Arena most quoted.
- In the same way, I had made abstracts on Laure Manaudou from September to December 2004.
-Then I had participated in the creation of a press invitation for the Arena Showroom (creation d’une invitation presse pour le showroom arena)
- Moreover I had also made press release and contacts (relances journalistiques) for the Foulee Blanche.
-To finish, I had made data record of Arena’s products (fiches techniques des produits arena)

To my mind, I can say that it was an enriching experience because I discovered, all along this month, various views of the world of communication and the organisation in a press agency.
Furthermore, as my tasks were for different customers, I learnt to be flexible, to face up several situations, to take part in a meeting and also to be reliable.
Therefore, it helped me to improve my command of technical language and it developed my know-how.
In conclusion, I am convinced that this training period will encourage myself to continue in this field because I have discovered a very interesting job and above all, with many different aspects.

[Latinus]

(édition du titre)

[lu]

J'aimerais beaucoup que des personnes ayant un très bon niveau d'anglais ou n'importe qui se débrouillant regarde ce que j'ai fait et me dise si j'ai fait beaucoup d'erreurs et surtout m'aide pour le vocabulaire manquant.... Merci!!

[vallisoletano]

sois patient, je suis persuadé que qqun qui s'y connaît verra et t'aidera

[Marie-Ange]

Voici ce que je modifierai:

This agency is composed of...
First, there is the press...
Besides, there is...and finally there is...
To start with, I made...in what kind of magazines Arena is most quoted
In the same way, I made...
Then I participated...
Moreover I also made...
To finish, I made...
In conclusion,...will encourage me...

Je supprimerai "above all" également.

[lu]

merci pour ces remarques ca va déjà m'aider! et si d'autres personnes voient d'autres modifications à faire, n'hésitez pas!!
merci beaucoup!

[lu]

et oui, j'ai toujours besoin d'aide... et non je ne me fais pas la conversation toute seule.. enfin j'espère!

le BTS approche et la pression commence à monter... C'est pourquoi j'aimerais vraiment d'autres remarques sur mon texte ou des solutions vers d'autres sites ou autres qui pourraient me rendre ce petit service...

merci d'avance pour ceux qui voudront bien jeter un coup d'oeil sur mon texte..

[czort]

- To start with, I had made abstracts (revue de presse) for Arena summer 2004 and its impact on the local press. For instance: in what kind of magazines is Arena most quoted.
- In the same way, I had made abstracts on Laure Manaudou from September to December 2004.
-Then I had participated in the creation of a press invitation for the Arena Showroom (creation d’une invitation presse pour le showroom arena)
- Moreover I had also made press release and contacts (relances journalistiques) for the Foulee Blanche.
-To finish, I had made data record of Arena’s products (fiches techniques des produits arena)

Bonjour !!!

Je trouve que c'est assez bien expliqué et avec un vocabulaire plus que correct, ca fait 3 fois que je relis et !!!! je crois que ici c'est "I have" et non "I had" j'ai surligné "a la prof"
Bon apres il y a moyen de faire d'autre tournures de phrases, neanmoins c'est bien fait.

[ANTHOS]

This year, I chose a press agency in Grenoble for my training period. It took place from November 22 to December 24, 2004.

This agency is composed of three press agents with several different clients.

First, they are the Press Department for Arena, a brand of swimsuit, Laure Manaudou, a swimming champion, and Aix Les Bains Thermal Spa.
And they are also the Press Department for Icon, a company that distributes fitness equipment, Icarus' Cup, a centre in St Hilaire du Touvet, a city near Grenoble, offering paragliding courses. Finally, they are the Press Dept for Foulee Blanche, a ski competition in Autrans.


I carried out several tasks:

- To start with, I wrote press abstracts for Arena in summer 2004 in order to assess the impact of the brand on the local press. For instance: the kind of magazines in which Arena is most quoted.
- Similarly, I wrote abstracts on Laure Manaudou from September to December 2004.
-Then I participated in the creation of a press invitation for the Arena Showroom - Moreover I also wrote the press release and made contacts for the Foulee Blanche.
-To finish, I created product sheets for Arena’s products

To my mind, I can say that it was an enriching experience because I discovered, during the whole month, various views of the world of communication and the organisation of a press agency.

Furthermore, as my tasks were for different customers, I learnt to be flexible, to manage several situations, to take part in meetings and also to be reliable. Furthermore, it helped me to improve my command of technical language and to develop my know-how.

In conclusion, this training period has convinced me that I want to stay in this field because I have discovered a very interesting job and, above all, one with many different aspects.

==
Par They have different customers; j'ai d'abord compris que chaque agent a ses propres clients. Faut vérifier mon interpretation.

Qu'est-ce que c'est
"concours déguisés "
- relances journalistiques

J'ai rendu le dernier paragraphe plus positif!

Faut vérifier:
To start with, I wrote press abstracts for Arena in summer 2004 to assess the impact of the brand in the local press.

Bonne chance et tiens nous au courant!

Andréas

[lu]

merci beaucoup de votre aide!! ça va vraiment beaucoup m'aider et surtout me rattraper si jamais la première partie de l'oral (compte dendu oral d'un texte) ne se passe pas bien!!

mon épreuve est le 11 mai alors si d'autres suggestions viennent, elles sont les bienvenues!!

merci encore!

pour l'info, par concours déguisés je veux dire:
la coupe icare est une compétition "volante" en fait c'est une compet de saut en parachute ou parapente et ceux qui saute sont déguisé, le plus beau déguisement remporte la coupe.

lucile