correction d'un anglais scolaire

[ace]

bonjour!

si quelqu'un peut me corriger les fautes,je crois que j'en ai déjà corrigé,c'est pour une expression sur the collector de john fowles,il s'agit d'inventer la suite:

The news at seven o'clock diffuse a flash showing a murder commited two days ago!
Voice off:In this friday,we informs you about a strange story ,even more a terrifying story,worthy of the greatest horror films.Wednesday,the cleaning lady of an office saw much blood in the upstairs going to the local of files and ledgers.
Our reporter jack clives in seat, interviews the witness ill at ease who discovered the victim:"When I cAme in this room closed which I opened with others keys,I felt a nauseating scent ....an....and I saw in a big painting a naked woman ,with legs and arms seperated;she seemed to be a buttterfly decorating a room..."
So far,the cops don't know the guilty but thanks to the second keys of the cleaning lady,the cops have discovered a diarywhich redraws the daily life of ,they suppose,this unfortunately woman.
Here,there are some extracts of this diary which relate the reasons and the circonstances of the murder:
"...And I saw,for the last time Miranda with this man who had a sport car,she probably came back from London to see her family but I learned some days ago,she came in this town to celebrate her future wedding with this famous man.When I understood it,I was ill at ease,then the following minutes I was obssessed by an idea in my head:I was itching to kill her to keep her just for me.So,I decided to bring her when she was alone.I dealt my action at the public library down Crossfield Street.She was so beautiful,she waited to pay seeing her long pigtail.Probably,she might have forgot a book,she went between two shelves of ancient books and,me, with silencei foolowed her and I caught her by putting my hand in her sweet lips to not scream.I waited her docility,then I brang her in my trashy car.I decided to bring her in my office ,there was so many people in the building of my flat.Anyhow ,what's done is done!she cam to be my guest here..."
For the violence details of the description of the crome,we don't reveal the rest.
To conclude,the cops think it concerns a dangerous psychopathe ,an obssessed man,but according to the cops,the chap must live in the local.(dans le coin?)

merci pour l'aide

et pour celui ci?

merci beaucoup

[ace]

up! please!

[Beaumont]

Pas de "up", merci. Et quand un modo supprime le premier ça devrait suffire à faire passer le message.

[ace]

désolée je ne savais pas!

[ace]

j'ai une autre expression que l'on m'a demandé de faire et j'aimerai savoir pour la correction aussi:

voici le sujet:Imagine you can travel back to the past .Write a story describing your arrival in the period of your choice.

voici mon pauvre anglais:

My grand father used to build a machine to travel back to the past.A day,when I was alone in the garage,the machine worked and I sat in...
1830:I fell in a town,in front of a delicatessen.Some people despised my clothes,my behaviour...all people wore jeans ,revolvers,hats.It was the far west like films.Chariots,horses,cow boys,all walked on the dust.Me,I walked on the street,everybody bowed their head when I was beside them.And I decided to go in the saloon,I asked a beer,and I was friendly with a old man,who had his randh out of the town.I followed him in his chariot to go in his ranch.
During the path, he told me the town was called Smarrow,the sherif was the mayor,he told me he had two hundred cows,two daughters and a son,his wife was died two years ago.And he asked me some questions about me.I answered my mane was Jim Clives and I lived in the same but may years after.Of course,he didn't believe me.It doesn't matter,I said to him ,I came from Texas."Well...' he responded.
His house was in woods ,not as Today,the building are more and more tall and without a wood.While the lunch,the family proposed me to rest according to my desires.Contrary to people from the town,they from plain are not the same mood.Then I discovered the habits,the carabins,the way of life,a peace reigned ;and I also discover the Indian.
Exactly,the Apaches.It happened a morning,a throng of Indian seized the town.When I walked on to purchase vegetables or I don't know anymore;Smarrow was shut in!I came back to the "Brotherhood Ranch" and I prevented the family but someone had done before me ,indeed the cavalry happened.
It was a marvellous spectacle.The Indian stopped to seize Smarrow and left this land.
As a conclude,it was so amazinf to see another culture but matter of fact,our period is better at the least if someone fight you,you are allowed to complain.


merci bp

[Dada]

Quelques corrections:

My grand father built a machine to travel back to the past. One day, when I was alone in the garage, the machine was working(elle etait deja allumee je pense?) and I sat in...
1830:I fell in a town,in front of a delicatessen.Some people despised my clothes,my behaviour...all the people were wearing jeans ,revolvers,hats.It was like in a far west movie.Chariots,horses,cow boys,all walking in the dust.I walked on the street,and everybody bowed his head when I was beside them.Then I decided to go in the saloon,I asked for a beer,and I was friendly with a old man,who had his ranch out of the town.I went with him in his chariot (tu peux pas utiliser follow(suivre) si tu es dans le meme chariot que lui) to go to his ranch.
On the way, he told me the town was called Smarrow,the sherif was the mayor,he told me he had two hundred cows,two daughters and a son,his wife died two years ago.And he asked me some questions about me.I answered my mane was Jim Clives and I lived in the same but may years after.Of course,he didn't believe me.It doesn't matter,I said to him ,I came from Texas."Well...' he responded.
His house was made of wood , but not like Today,the building are taller and taller and without wood.During the lunch,the family proposed me to rest according to my desires.Contrary to people from the town,they from plains are not in the same mood.Then I discovered the clothes,the carabins,the way of life,a peace reigned ;and I also discover the Indians.
Exactly,the Apaches.It happened a morning,a throng of Indian seized the town.When I walked on to purchase vegetables or I don't know anymore;Smarrow was shut in!I came back to the "Brotherhood Ranch" and I warned/told the family but someone had done before me ,indeed the cavalry happened.
It was a marvellous spectacle.The Indian stopped to seize Smarrow and left this land.
To conclude,it was so amazing to see another culture but matter of fact,our period is better at least if someone fight with you,you are allowed to complain.

rouge: corrections
bleu: commentaires
italique: pas sur, a verifier

[ace]

bonjour!

si quelqu'un peut me corriger les fautes,je crois que j'en ai déjà corrigé,c'est pour une expression sur the collector de john fowles,il s'agit d'inventer la suite:

The news at seven o'clock diffuse a flash showing a murder commited two days ago!
Voice off:In this friday,we informs you about a strange story ,even more a terrifying story,worthy of the greatest horror films.Wednesday,the cleaning lady of an office saw much blood in the upstairs going to the local of files and ledgers.
Our reporter jack clives in seat, interviews the witness ill at ease who discovered the victim:"When I cAme in this room closed which I opened with others keys,I felt a nauseating scent ....an....and I saw in a big painting a naked woman ,with legs and arms seperated;she seemed to be a buttterfly decorating a room..."
So far,the cops don't know the guilty but thanks to the second keys of the cleaning lady,the cops have discovered a diarywhich redraws the daily life of ,they suppose,this unfortunately woman.
Here,there are some extracts of this diary which relate the reasons and the circonstances of the murder:
"...And I saw,for the last time Miranda with this man who had a sport car,she probably came back from London to see her family but I learned some days ago,she came in this town to celebrate her future wedding with this famous man.When I understood it,I was ill at ease,then the following minutes I was obssessed by an idea in my head:I was itching to kill her to keep her just for me.So,I decided to bring her when she was alone.I dealt my action at the public library down Crossfield Street.She was so beautiful,she waited to pay seeing her long pigtail.Probably,she might have forgot a book,she went between two shelves of ancient books and,me, with silencei foolowed her and I caught her by putting my hand in her sweet lips to not scream.I waited her docility,then I brang her in my trashy car.I decided to bring her in my office ,there was so many people in the building of my flat.Anyhow ,what's done is done!she cam to be my guest here..."
For the violence details of the description of the crome,we don't reveal the rest.
To conclude,the cops think it concerns a dangerous psychopathe ,an obssessed man,but according to the cops,the chap must live in the local.(dans le coin?)

merci pour l'aide

et pour celui ci?

merci beaucoup