aide à la correction d'un texte

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steffie62
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Joined: 21 Dec 2004 16:14

aide à la correction d'un texte

Post by steffie62 »

Bonjour,
Pourriez vous m'indiquer si vous voyez d'autres erreurs sur le texte ci-dessous ? j'ai mis moi-même quelques corrections en italique, vous pouvez m'indiquer si vous n'êtes pas d'accord avec moi... Merci beaucoup d'avance.

First memory : The bicycle

This document is an extract from the book “Boy” writen by Roald Dahl in 1984, greatest children’s writer also writer to Charly and the Chocolate factory, Matilda…
This document is an excerpt from the book “Boy” written by Roald Dahl in 1984, the greatest children’s author of classic books including Charlie and the Chocolate factory, Matilda…

Boy is an autobiography about his childhood. This extract is out of chapter : first memory: The bicycle. In this extract the writer relates a marking event at the age of 7 years old.
Boy is an autobiography about his childhood. This is an extract of the chapter: first memory: The bicycle in which the writer relates a significant event at the age of 7 years old.

All the narration is based about a detail description of his first memory: the apparition of an older student than him, is riding a bicycle fast across the road with no hands on the handlebars.
All the narration is based on a detail description of his first memory: the appearance of a student older than him, riding (sans auxiliaire devant) a bicycle fast across the road with no hands on the handlebars.

The admiration takes a big importance in his narration : “how wonderful he was!”, “how swift and brave and grateful…”. This admiration is based on the fact that the student is in the level more hight with a different costum “his long trousers, with bicycle-clips…”. (comment traduire cette partie différemment, je ne pense pas que la traduction soit correcte ,le sens est le suivant : l’élève est dans une classe (école) supérieure à la sienne). The narrator is intimidate.
The admiration takes a big importance in his narration : “how wonderful he was!”, “how swift and brave and grateful…”. It is based on the fact that the student is in a higher level with others clothes “his long trousers, with bicycle-clips…”. The narrator is intimidated.

And the student has got a bicycle to go to school therefore the writer walked to go to school. There is a notion of free, the student rides fast without put his hands on the handlebars. The writer is envious of the student’s intrepidity.
All this desire, the writer gives a precise idea “greatest wish in life” at the moment.
And the student has got a bicycle to go to school whereas the writer walks to go to school. There is a notion of freedom, the student rides fast without putting his hands on the handlebars. The writer is envious of the student’s dauntlessness.
The writer gives a precise idea of all his desire saying : ”…”


In order to give of impact to his choice, he uses an accumulation of questions “a painter? A writer?” “the lord Chancellor?” .Because each children wish become a great person with ambition. Therefore him, his greatest wish in life is “to have a bike like the student and to go whizzing down the hill with no hands on the handlebars.
This image shows the impact of this scene on this memory.
In order to give more impact on his choice, he uses a succession of questions “a painter? A writer?” “the lord Chancellor?” .Because each child wishes to become a great person with ambition. Therefore (sans ajouter him), his greatest wish in life is “to have a bike like the student's and to go whizzing down the hill with no hands on the handlebars.
This image shows the impact of this scene on his memory.
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