please proofread

laura · Post by **laura** » 02 Dec 2004 13:00

Hi to all!!!!

I beseech someone of you mothertongue English people out here to proofread the letter here below. I have to send to a professor and it should be as correct as possible.
Thanks a lot

Dear Mr. Robinson,
My name is Laura Leka. I am an Albanian young girl, living and working in Italy. I graduated at "La Sapienza" university (Rome) in foreign languages, two years ago. My dissertation focused on Lord Byron and the influence of his work in the Albanian Literature. Well, I found out many interesting things about Byron’s and other English poets’ influence on of the outstanding Albanian poets’ work.
A professor of the Naples’ University of Oriental languages has assured me that part of the thesis will be published by the magazine edited by the University where he teaches Albanian literature.
I am writing to you, because I would like to know whether my dissertation could be of any interest for the Byron Society. It would be a real honour for me. I can send you part of it, translated into English, so that you have the opportunity to find out whether there are any interesting parts in it.
The topics I have investigated on are the following: Byron’s voyage in Albania. His contact with the Albanian people, its culture and customs. The influence of Byron’s work on the Albanian literature and on one of the greatest Albanian poets. I have then focused on the translation of “Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage” into Albanian.
I look forward to hearing from you
Regards,
Laura Leka

grzespelc · Post by **grzespelc** » 02 Dec 2004 17:15

Well, my mother tongue is not Englich, but let me make some remarks:

-"influence on the outstanding.." - leave out "of"
-"Naples University"
-"published in the magazine"

this is all I could notice.

ANTHOS · Post by **ANTHOS** » 02 Dec 2004 17:38

Hi

that sounds very interesting. I hadn't realised the influence of Lord Byron extended to Albania. he has left a mark in Greece , as you will probably know. i'd be interested to know of the outcome of your letter.

the translation is below with notes after.

bye

Andreas

-
Dear Mr. Robinson,
My name is Laura Leka. I am a young Albanian woman, living and working in Italy. I graduated from "La Sapienza" University (Rome) in foreign languages two years ago. My dissertation focused on Lord Byron and the influence of his work on Albanian Literature. I found out many interesting things about the influence of Byron and other English poets on the work of the most eminent Albanian poets.
A professor of Oriental languages at Naples University has assured me that part of the thesis will be published in the journal of the university where he teaches Albanian literature.
I would like to know whether my dissertation is of potential interest to the Byron Society. It would be a real honour for me if my dissertation were considered useful. I would be more than happy to send you part of it, translated into English, to look through.
The topics I have investigated are the following: Byron’s travels in Albania, and his contact with the Albanian people, their culture and customs; the influence of Byron’s work on Albanian literature and on one of the greatest Albanian poets. I have then focused on the translation of “Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage” into Albanian.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Laura Leka

----
If it's a professor you should use Professor instead of Mr in the title

"most eminent Albanian poets."
is this the correct sense?

"It would be a real honour for me if my dissertation were considered useful. "
you hadnt explained what would be a real honour so i invented this.

Readers will understand that part of your thesis will be published in a university other than Naples University.

Why don't you name "one of the greatest Albanian poets"?

laura · Post by **laura** » 02 Dec 2004 18:01

thanks Andreas,
your corrections were very helpful.
Let me say smth about Byron and Albania. I am running the risk of becoming boring, but I suppose you're interested in that.
During his first "Grand tour",before reaching Greece, Byron spend some months in Albania, in the southern part of the country. There he met with Ali Pasha of Tepelena, the governor of Janina and nearby reagions. In one of his well-known and mos famous portraits, Lord Byron wears an Albanian dress. To us Albanians, Byron represents one of the greatest and dearest English poets, not only because of his artistic qualities, but also because he contributed to Albania's popularity in Europe. At that time, Albania was under the Turkish rule. Nevertheless, the national sentiment wasn't quenched and it kept burning until Albania was proclaimed an indipendent state, in 1912. As you see, there are many things to say and that's why I have investigated Byron and his influence in Albania.
Well, that may be enough........

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 06 Dec 2004 11:39

My native language is not English. However my sons' is and I have had some exposure to the British academic environment.
Since this letter might make a difference in your prospects, here are my suggestions (on lines starting with --).
Together with the contributions posted earlier, they may help you in finalising your draft.

Dear Mr. Robinson,
-- [Check his title, it might be Prof. or Dr. Robinson]

My name is Laura Leka.
-- [No change suggested]

I am an Albanian young girl, living and working in Italy.
-- I am a girl from Albania, living and working in Italy.

I graduated at "La Sapienza" university (Rome) in foreign languages, two years ago.
-- Two years ago, I graduated in foreign languages at "La Sapienza" university in Rome.

My dissertation focused on Lord Byron and the influence of his work in the Albanian Literature.
-- My dissertation focused on Lord Byron and his influence on the Albanian literature.

Well, I found out many interesting things about Byron’s and other English poets’ influence on of the outstanding Albanian poets’ work.
-- While preparing it, I gathered comparatively little-known evidence of the influence exerted by Byron and other English poets on the work of outstanding Albanian poets.

A professor of the Naples’ University of Oriental languages has assured me that part of the thesis will be published by the magazine edited by the University where he teaches Albanian literature.
-- A professor at the University of Oriental Languages in Naples feels that segments of my graduation thesis may be published under the auspices of the University - where he teaches Albanian literature.

I am writing to you, because I would like to know whether my dissertation could be of any interest for the Byron Society.
-- I should be grateful for you to kindly consider whether my dissertation is of any interest to the Byron Society.
It would be a real honour for me.
-- [Remove it! It’s a most un-English expression.]

I can send you part of it, translated into English, so that you have the opportunity to find out whether there are any interesting parts in it.
-- I am prepared to provide you with a summary translation in English of my work in order to ease your evaluation of it.

The topics I have investigated on are the following:
-- [No change suggested]
Byron’s voyage in Albania.
-- Byron’s voyage to Albania.
His contact with the Albanian people, its culture and customs.
-- His contact with the Albanians, their culture and customs.
The influence of Byron’s work on the Albanian literature and on one of the greatest Albanian poets.
-- Byron’s influence on the Albanian literature and in particular on one of our major poets. [**I think you should name this poet** ,,, of our major poets: NAME, SURNAME (birth - death years)]
I have then focused on the translation of “Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage” into Albanian.
-- Furthermore, I have focused on translating “Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage” into Albanian.
I look forward to hearing from you
-- Thanking you for your attention, I look forward to hearing from you

Regards,

Laura Leka

ANTHOS · Post by **ANTHOS** » 06 Dec 2004 13:41

see below

ANTHOS · Post by **ANTHOS** » 06 Dec 2004 13:43

I feel I have to respond to the Invité above. Overall their message confuses matters. While most of the Invité's changes are OK, others are not: mainly because they sound unnatural and there are even some grammatical errors.

In correcting the original text, I tried to retain some of the charm , so some phrases or sentences are not necessarily those that would be used by native English speakers or used normally in such a letter. However the text I suggested remains comprehensible, faithful to the original, and grammatically correct.

I have to say the following:

Normally, one uses the highest academic title. In academia, Professor would be a higher title than Dr.

"influence of his work " is subtly different to "his influence ".

I do not see how "It would be a real honour for me." is un-English . Perhaps a more common wording is 'I would be honoured".

" part of it, translated into English" is different to "a summary translation"

"Regards" is totally inappropriate for a letter of this nature. Courtesy dictates that you use "Yours sincerely" (sincerely not faithfully because Laura has used the name at the beginning).